Aren't some children just 'bad sleepers?'
As a sleep consultant, something I hear often is, 'he's never been a good sleeper' and 'she's been a bad sleeper from the start.' But, by way of an explanation, is this an accurate conclusion for a baby, toddler or young child who continues to wake frequently at night and/or who is difficult to settle for naps during the day?
It's very easy to label a baby/child a 'bad sleeper,' to dismiss their disturbing sleep habits' and accept they do not sleep 'well.' At the newborn stage, we expect and know that sleep habits are naturally eratic, there will be no schedule we can depend upon and they will wake regularly throughout the night.
Depending on the sleep associations that form between 3-6 months will depend whether a healthy baby will begin to consolidate sleep and sleep longer stretches at night. At 6 months, a baby waking more frequently than 2-3 times a night to feed is likely in the 'habit' of doing so alongside the associations in place. These associations will need to be recreated each time baby wakes in order to return to sleep.
Many families make contact with me when their baby is between 8-11 months old. Still suffering disturbed sleep with multiple night wakings and short naps, a parent with a child of this age recognises sleep has not significantly improved as they may have anticipated and in many instances has reverted to a newborn pattern of waking every 2 hours! Exhausting work!
Sleep for the entire family is immensely important. Necessary. As adults, we need it to function well, to feel motivated and to deal with the demands of each day. And I believe one of the greatest gifts we can offer our children is in gently but clearly teaching them the skill of sleep. We spend one third of our life asleep and helping our children whilst young to develop a positive relationship with sleep where they come to anticipate it, love it and accept it for all the good it serves will pay off now throughout childhood and into their adulthood.
In regards to 'bad sleepers,' genetics, lifestyle and personality/temperament can all feed into the sleep habits of our children but very often the overriding factor lies here:
1) Understanding of sleep needs
An understanding of how much sleep your baby/young child needs at different stages will help ensure you are able to offer the sleep they need to be at their best when awake. Whilst your young child/baby may appear to have a comparably low sleep need to others of the same age and demonstrate reasonably good coping strategies within this, it's important for well being and health they are supported towards getting the sleep they need. Sleep is vital for growth, repair and recovery and even learning. Accepting short naps, late bed times, regular night waking and early rising will make for a very tired child (and parent!) and perpetuate the problem. I have worked with families who have stopped offering day sleep to very young toddlers in the hopes it will make for more prolonged night sleep. Mostly this backfires and leads to a very overtired state. There is evidence to suggest overtired babies and young children may take up to six times longer to settle to sleep than if functioning on adequate sleep and will wake more regularly at night. Therefore, maintaining awareness of the sleep 'need' is important as your child develops.
2) Sleep associations
Some advocates of attachment parenting styles may choose to accept prolonged sleep disturbances and believe a child will sleep when ready. As a sleep consultant, the techniques I work with are gentle, responsive and maintain your child's confidence in you as caregiver. Guiding your child gently towards independent sleep habits will still allow for you to maintain your close relationship and will see them (and you!) reap the rewards of better sleep.
Sleep associations and 'habits' are quickly formed. A baby/toddler who is breastfed to sleep and comforted back to sleep on the breast each time they wake will continue to wake regularly at night and will not develop secure self soothing skills. Similarly if your baby/toddler is held to sleep, stroked to sleep or parented to sleep in any other way will likely wake for your presence and support to return to sleep throughout the night. Your child's sleep associations will either lead them to restful and reparative sleep or disturbed sleeping.
Signs your baby/young child is lacking sleep:
- Waking late in the morning regularly (after 8am)
- Going to bed late at night regularly (after 8pm)
- Multiple night wakings
- Falling asleep unexpectedly in the car, whilst playing/eating/watching TV etc
- Irritable/emotional/clumsy/aggressive/hyperactive
- Regular bouts of illness due to weakened immune syste
- Unable to 'switch off' before scheduled nap/bedtime
If you feel your child needs further support to develop positive sleep associations that lead them to healthy, independent sleep habits I can support you towards achieving this.
All babies/young children have different personalities/temperaments and will respond in a variety of ways to the gentle techniques I work with. I aim to gather as much information from you about your child and their sleep habits and offer my full support to effect the changes you desire. We will keep your child and their unique personality at the heart of our solution.